So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
