Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
