Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
