She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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