It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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