if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
please come you make the beer taste better
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I could fuck to npr.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
