yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
