I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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