it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
