Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
