oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
