Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
