you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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