You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
