That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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