This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
