Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
