He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
