Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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