Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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