no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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