I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
