aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
