turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
