'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
