you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
