We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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