How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
