Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
