I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
