And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
