the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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