Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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