She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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