She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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