he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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