Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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