everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
