the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
home. puking in laundry basket.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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