my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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