I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize