Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
