in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
