I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
