She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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