We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
