i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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