the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
