It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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