does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
