she was so not down for the gang bang
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
