Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
