i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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