whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I smell stomach acid.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
