is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
