i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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