I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
