it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
