would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
