You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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