Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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