some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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