Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
