Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
