The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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