Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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