just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
