What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
