theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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