Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
