I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
