Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So many bounce houses so little time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
