we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
