Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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