well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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