hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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