clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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