Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
