Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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