what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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