He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
