I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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