I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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