I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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