Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
