It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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